#2091
Okay, I'm officially IN!
Date: 04/16/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Disregard everything I wrote before. I've read a couple posts from the past week, and I think I have a understanding of the current situation. Allow me to shake things up...
At GROPE headquarters, our hero's bicker about JM being good or bad, EM jelous disposition, and the fact that the spider that's as big as a house is actually a car. What our hero's AREN't talking about is that there is another EVIL besides PM on the loose! That Evil is... (DRAMATIC PAUSE)
ServoTheFink! (STG dressed up in Rat Fink's outfit(from Wild Wild Wild World of Batwoman.)
STF is running around the park... obviously up to no good... obviously...
STF: Ah ha, the Town's Ground Hog's Hole. The Ground Hog they use for the Ground Hogs day celebration each year!
(STF reaches into the hole)
*CHOMP*
STF: YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!! It bit me!
(STF reaches in swiftly and pulls it out)
STF: Ya ha, Squecky! You're mine! HA HA HA! Foolish town! You are now GROUNDHOGLESS! RA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Now to skulk of into the background...
(skulks away)
(Next day's Newspaper's headline...)
"TOWN GROUNDHOGLESS: Disappearance of Squecky has all of the town in a panic. GROPE contacted for help."
What will happen next? Tune in next time!
ServoTheFink
"And you never see the baby!"
#2092
Cool, STG!
Date: 04/16/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
You didn't break continuity or anything! Good job!
I'm still sending you that summary though. YOu can't stop me. I already started writing it, and I'm *not* going to have gone to all that trouble for nothing! Grr! :o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is still probably gonna be a couple of days with that summary
so hopefully nobody's in a hurry
#2093
Rimmi: All right! Who did this?
Date: 04/16/2002
From: Tork_110
-----------------------------
Rimmi: (reading it) "A small group of possible terrorist with a filthy sounding name have been called upon to save our beloved Squecky." OK! Why does everybody now know about us?
[Everyone looks at JimmyMobius.]
EM: You traitor! I knew it! You're trying to impress Lita with your evilness.
[EM beats up JM again. Mickey enjoys watching someone else being beat up by EM. Rimmi and Lita finally pull EM off of JM.]
gramps: Why don't we just feed the traitor to Spidey?
Tork: NO, NOT THAT!!!
[Everyone looks at Tork now. He looks very nervous and has been perspiring heavily, which nobody noticed until he stupidly opened his mouth.]
Tork: (laughs nervously)
Rimmi: TORK???!!
Tork: well, you see, ummm, I ... may have told Nuveena about GROPE...
(pause)
Lita: And?
Tork: And my parents.
Rimmi: Anyone else?
Tork: And Abraham Lincoln.
Mickey: You mean Abe on a big wheel?
Tork: And those people at the bus stop ... and everyone in that grocery store (Martin, I think)... the Women of Manos ... any Lita's who have the number 3 in their name ... the Delta Knights ... a bunch of gypsies ...
<And so on. As you can see, Tork is in sooooo much trouble. Tune in next time when we learn his fate. No, this is NOT a way to force someone to finish a reply that Tork_110 should have finished himself. Don't even think that!>
#2094
The moment of truth...
Date: 04/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Back in the main room of GROPE Headquarters. Tork is nowhere to be seen… that can't be a good sign… Everybody else is discussing what is to be done about Squecky.>
Evil Mike: I don't see why a stupid groundhog is our problem anyway.
Lita: I have to agree with Evil Mike this time. We've got bigger problems than a groundhog.
Jimmy: What do you mean? How could you let that poor thing suffer like that?
Evil Mike: Look! I warned you about talking to Lita like that!!
Jimmy: Like what??
Evil Mike: That does it!
<He gets ready to beat the crap out of Jimmy once again, but Rimmer stops him.>
Rimmer: We don't have time for this. Clearly we have to save that groundhog--
Lita: Why?
Rimmer: Shh!! Because we do! But first, we still don't know if we can trust Jimmy.
Mickey: But how can he prove himself?
Rimmer: I've been thinking about that, and I have an idea. You can read minds, right gramps?
gramps: Er… I can read Lita's mind. But she's the only one. And even then it's only kind of borderline…
Rimmer: That's great! I want you to read Jimmy's mind, and tell us if he's thinking treacherous thoughts.
gramps: But I just said I can't--
Rimmer: Do it, Geezer!
gramps: All right! All right! Come here, Jimmy. Sit down.
Narrator: Jimmy Mobius, a paragon of manliness, bravely obliges.
<Oh, yeah. That's an accurate description. Thank you, you super super narrator.>
Narrator: Oh, like you could do better!!
Rimmer: Nobody wants to hear it! gramps, do your thing.
<grandmapa touches certain places on Jimmy's face and neck and goes into a kind of trance. His eyes roll back into his head. He sweats a lot. It's impressive!>
Rimmer: Great! Now, what's Jimmy thinking?
gramps: <in a faraway voice that hardly sounds like his own…> Paaaaain…. Paaaaaaain….
Lita: Woah…. gramps? The hell?
gramps: MURDERER!!11!11 MUUUUURRRRDERRER!!!!11!! YOU KILLED THEM!!11! YOU KILLED MY CHILDREN!!1!! Paaaaaain……
Rimmi: Wow! Who would have thought all *that* was on his mind?
Jimmy: It isn't. I wasn't thinking any of those things.
Rimmi: You weren't?
gramps: No, he wasn't. I just made all that stuff up. I told you I couldn't read his mind. I didn't see a darn thing in his head.
EM: I would say that was pretty accurate then…
Jimmy: Aw, geez! Now you guys will never trust me! I don't know what to do! I wish I weren't so hungry! I just wish I had some soup…
Mickey: <wide eyed.> You… you like soup?
Jimmy: I sure do! Nothing like soup to warm a guy up on a cold day!
Mickey: But… If you like soup… That means… What kind of soup do you like?
Jimmy: Chicken and Stars is my favorite. It's just the thing. It really hits the spot!
Mickey: Woah… You must be a good guy! Nobody evil could like Chicken and Stars!
Rimmi: You don't know that!
Mickey: Name one bad guy who likes Chicken and Stars
Rimmi: PM!
Mickey: He doesn't like Chicken and Stars!
Lita: How do you know?
Mickey: <Looks blank for a moment. Then…> Say! Jimmy! How about some soup!
Jimmy: Chicken and Stars?
Mickey: You bet! I'm never without a can or two!
<Mickey and Jimmy laugh and wander off to Diabolik's kitchen to bond over a bowl of soup. The wretched toad of a Narrator follows.>
EM: Well, what a surprise. Geez, Mickey *would* like him.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
You thought I was gonna tell you what happened to Tork?
Ha!!
#2095
The ransom note!
Date: 04/17/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
STF: Mu hu ha ha ha ha! Well, Squecky, now that I have you I need a way to make money off you. I will take this note to the Mayor's office. I will then leave it under is door! He'll read it, and then pay my demand for $678 BAGILLION dollars for your return. I am such a great evil mastermind. OH, and you're coming with me. (stuffs Squecky into a Doritos bag)
(Later at the Mayor's Office)
STF: Now to slip it under the door. (slips note under)
Squecky: (from inside the Doritos bag) Should you have NOT left a return address on the note for your apartment?
STF: They have to know were to send the money, and why are you talking?
Squecky: All Ground Hogs talk, anyway won't they just send the police, or GROPE, or the Girl Scouts, or something to your apartment.
(STF thinks for a second the panics as he tries to fit his fingers under the door to get the letter)
STF: DAMN! I can't get it! (Furstrated, but instantly calms down) Hmm... Let's just hope they're really stupid, and ignore the return address...
<Oh no, ServoTheFink STILL has Squecky in his somewhat evil clutches.>
What will happen next time? Tune in to find out!
ServoTheFink
"Turn down your radio, Mr. Fink."
#2096
Evil Mike: Hey Mickey, what's that?
Date: 04/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
(Poins at what he's talking about)
Mickey (Looks at the wall): I don't see anything.
Evil Mike: Well....maybe you're not looking close enough. Go in for a closer look.
Mickey: OK, Evil Mike, but I'm only doing this because I trust you.
Jimmy: Can I look too?
Mickey: Sure! But it'll cost you.
Jimmy: My wallets in the car!!! (leaves)
Mickey: Sucker! Now back to the wall....
(meanwhile...)
(Evil Mike, whistling a happy tune, slips something in a bowl of soup)
Lita: Evil Mike! I saw that! Poisoning Jimmy's soup!
Evil Mike: Actually, this is Mickey's bowl. I was going to put a truth serum in Jimmy's.
Lita: Wow...how un-evil of you.
Evil Mike: What'd you say, you bitch?
Lita: You know, except for the poisoning Mickey part.
Evil Mike: Oh...ok.
(Mickey comes back to the soup)
Mickey: I got 5 bucks out of Jimmy, but I can't see anything on that wall.
Evil Mike: Huh....it must of left. Hey, here's your soup.
(Lita elbows Evil Mike)
Mickey: Wow! It is hot! My soup is boiling!!!!!
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Is this the end of Mickey T. Gardener?
#2097
(GROPE is watching tv+
Date: 04/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<couch potato mode>>>
Announcer: And now, the Honorable Mayor Fishback!
Lita: Huh?
Rimmi: The new mayor. He was sworn in a few weeks ago.
Lita: Oh, I knew that...I'm just suprised it isn't the guy from VBP.
Rimmi: I voted for McCheese.
Lita: Shhhh....he's saying something.
Fishback: Citizens of Europeorwhereverthehellweare, we are working around the clock to bring the monster who did this to us to justice.
(Applause)
Fishback: In the meantime, there's no need to panic. We've found a suitable temporary replacement.
(Everyone turns their attention to the groundhog hole, which is surrounded by that "Crime scene, do not cross" tape)
Fishback: It's February 2nd!!! Come on out!
(Something pokes it's head out of the hole)
Lita: Oooh...it's, it's....it's a duck?
Ground Duck: AFLAC!!!!!
Rimmi: Oh, for crying out loud!
Fishback: And we got a sweet sponsorship deal too!!!!
(The thoroughly dissapoined town people walk away in disgust)
Ground Duck: AFL-oof! (One of the townspeople step on the duck)
Fishback: Whoever did this will pay!
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
DUCK!!!!!!
#2098
Lita: Well, I 'spose.
Date: 04/18/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: We'd better get to work on rescuing that guinea pig--
gramps: Ground Hog--
Lita: --Whatever. I'll go get Tork.
Rimmi: I don't think he's been up there long enough.
Lita: I know, but we gotta all get off our asses and actually do something some time.
Rimmi: *sigh* I guess so.
Lita: Oh, wait! Before I get Tork…
<Lita slaps Evil Mike>
EM: Ow! What was that for!
Lita: You called me "Bitch" earlier, and for some reason I didn't do it then.
EM: But you are a bitch!
<Lita slaps Evil Mike again>
EM: I meant Queen Bitch!
Lita: Will you just shut up? Ok. I'm gonna go get Tork.
<Lita leaves the room and enters another room in the lair. Up by the ceiling, Tork is hanging from a beam. He's not tied there, he's hanging on for dear life!! The reason for this is that Spidey's lurking around on the floor. He looks kind of like a big dog who has a cat stuck up a tree. Now, I'm well aware that Spidey's a spider and could easily climb up to where Tork is and get him, but he isn't because… er… because Lita told him not to, all right? That would be too easy.>
Lita: Spidey! Come here!
<Spidey walks up to Lita, she pets him.>
Lita: Good job, but you can stop now. Tork! You can come ahead on down!
Tork: <he glances nervously at the long drop below him> Er… How?
Lita: Oh, right. Spidey? Care to help him down?
Tork: No!! That's ok!!! I don't want to be any trouble!!!1!11!
Lita: Nonsense. It's no trouble at all. Spidey likes climbing.
<Spidey climbs up to where Tork is and… er… gets him. When he reaches the floor again, Lita opens his door and lets Tork out.>
Tork: Lita! That was *not* nice!!!
Lita: Next time you won't blab so much! Come on. We gotta go.
Tork: Go where?
Lita: To save that wart hog--
Tork: Ground hog--
Lita: --whatever. We all gotta go.
Tork: Er… all of us?
Lita: Yeah, why?
Tork: Is Lita42 coming along?
Lita: I suppose, why wouldn't she?
Tork: Does she have to?
Lita: What's your problem?
Tork: I hope you don't take this personally, Lita… because I like you, but…
Lita: Yes?
Tork: I don't… like her… really… at all.
Lita: You don't? She likes you.
Tork: No she doesn't. She doesn't like anybody. She's mean!
Lita: She is not!
Tork: She's evil! And she's always doing this stuff that just pisses me off!
Lita: But--
*CRASH!!!*
Lita & Tork: !!
<Lita and Tork spin around in surprise. Carmelita42 is standing in the doorway, and she's just dropped a plate of freshly baked cookies on the floor. She's got tears in her eyes. Oh no! She must have heard the whole conversation!>
Lita: 42!
<Carmelita42 turns and runs out of the room crying.>
Lita: Oh, Tork! You jerk! 42! Don't cry! It's ok!
<Lita runs after 42 to comfort her. Tork goes over to where the cookies and shards of broken plate are scattered on the floor. There is a card among them. Tork picks it up and reads it.>
Tork: <reading> "To Tork_110. I'm sorry you got in trouble and had to be punished and stuff. I hope these cookies I made make you feel better! Thanks for being one of the nicest guys I know! Love, Carmelita42"
<Tork takes some time to digest what he's just read, then slaps himself in the forehead.>
Tork: Aw crap!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
But wait!
Is Mickey all right after eating poisoned soup???
Hell if I know.
Beam!
#2099
<Evil Mike is acting funny>
Date: 04/19/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<acting funny mode>>>
(He's wide eyed and grinning from ear to ear...he must be dreaming)
DREAM SEQUENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Evil Mike is dressed up in a tuxedo with a top hat, he's surrounded by lights and dancing girls...played by 42, Rimmi, Cave Rimmer, Mrs. Mo, Cara, Nuveena, and the pirate wurwolf from Duh Trigger)
Evil Mike: o/'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh......Mickey's going to die, Mickey's going to die, Die die die, Mickey's going to die o/'
(Evil Mike starts showing off some fancy footwork, as the girls do an impressive routine behind him.)
Evil Mike: o/'He's pissed me off too many times, now Mickey's going to die, die, die!!!! o/'
(Lita-what, you think she wouldn't be in this?-jumps out of a hole in the center of the stage and does a very nice tango with Evil Mike)
Lita: Oh, I love you Evil Mike, Evil Mike, Evil Mi.....
(Evil Mike wakes up)
Lita: ...ke, Evil Mike (slaps him) Oh! You're up! Sorry!
Evil Mike: What do you want? I was just having the most wonderful dream.
Lita: Go with Gramps and work on this ground prarie dog thing. I've got to stay here and console 42.
Evil Mike: Awwwww...him? What about Ass?
Lita: She's....she's not here.
Evil Mike: Then who's that behind you?
Rimmi: (waves) Hello!
Lita: Just go!!!!
Evil Mike: But I'm going to miss Mickey...
Lita: (interrupts) If you're going to miss Mickey so much, bring him with you.
Mickey: No thanks! I've got boiling soup with my name on it!
Evil Mike: That's not what I me...
Lita: (pushing Evil Mike out the door) Bye now!
Gramps: Fine...I'm going, I'm going....(Leaves)
Mickey: (picks up the spoon)
Lita: Mickey! No!
(Oops, too late. Mickey's face starts to turn colors, but Mickey then swallows, and the colors go away)
Mickey: DAMN! This is good!!!!!
Lita: *phew!*
Jimmy: Oooh, I only hope my soup is that good!
Lita: Uh, yeah, sure!
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Reply called on a case of work!
#2100
Oh, and....
Date: 04/19/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Wheeeee!!!!!!!!!!! nmt
#2101
<ServoTheFink Enters MSTblanca>
Date: 04/19/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
(Western theme humming through the air)
STF: (enters with Sqeucky, AND the AFLAC duck under both arms) Heh, heh, the stupid mayor tried to replace Squecky with the AFLAC duck... Well, I STOLE IT! Ha ha ha, my reign of evilness continues...
Squecky: Hey, you said we were gonna get lunch!
Duck: Yeah, not listen to your little monologues!
STF: FINE! (The three sit down at the counter) Hey SERVICE! AN evil genius, like myself, can't function on a empty stomach.
(PharoahMobios comes out of the kitchen with Skully)
Skully: Hey, PM, have you heard this one? A guy enters a bar with a duck and hamster...
Squecky: Ground hog, thank you very much...
Skully: Whatever... Anyway they're under his arm. Then the funny part is he claims to be an evil genius!
PM: HA HA HA! (Leans over STF) You think you're an evil genius? You kidnap a duck and rat...
Squecky: Ground hog.
PM: Whatever... So you think this makes you an evil genius?
STF: Yes.
PM: (slaps forhead) You idiot! You have to do something big!
STF: But I am. The ransom on these two, is like, 678 bagillion dollars!
Skully: You only asked for money in the bagillions!?
PM: You should try the ZAGILLIONS!
STF:Really?
PM: REALLY!
Skully: Now get out there and do some evil!
PM: (Like a coach) NOW GO, GO, GO! The next time I see you, you had better have conquered the world or stolen some kind of warhead!
STF: Come on AFLAC and Squecky! Let's do some SUPER VILLIANY! (the three charge out)
(15 minutes later at a ice cream stand)
STF: Yum, that was good. Now what were gonna do?
AFLAC: I forgot.
Squecky: Me too.
STF: I know! Let's call the Mayor, and see if he has my money.
(Later at a pay phone)
AFLAC: Can we do some prank phone calls?
STF: Later. Ooh, it's ringing!
Mayor Fishback: Hello?
STF: (muffles voice) Do you have my money?
MF: Money? I'm the only one who gets kickbacks around here, whoever the hell you are!
STF: I'm the kidnapper, doofus!
MF: YOU! Um, about the money... There isn't 678 Bagillion dollars in the city... Or the world for that matter.
STF: Well, um...
Squecky: Tell him he's made a big mistake not getting you your money!
AFLAC: Yeah, make more demands!
STF: Right... Alright Fishback, I have more demands!
MF: What are they, ServoTheFink?
STF: Gaaah! How'd you know my name!
MF: Um, you signed the ransom note.
AFLAC: D'oh, I've been kidnapped by a moron!
STF: Well, I still have more demands Fishbrains! I want DOUBLE the money and a decent pair of sweatpants!
MF: DOUBLE!? Could you be a little more resonable? There isn't even that much money in the world!
STF: Well, you see...
Squecky: HANG UP! HANG UP!
STF: Well you better get it anyway! (hangs up phone quickly)
AFLAC: So... Now what?
STF: Let's go back to MSTblanca and tell PM how good we're doing. I've gotta say you two have been excellent hostages.
Squecky: Aw, shucks...
<Egads! Double the money? AND sweatpants. GROPE better catch this guy... But they have soup trouble right now, so they may be a little late. Tune in to the next reply to see what happens.>
ServoTheFink
"You fragged yourself, sir."
#2102
[Rimmi] What was that all about?
Date: 04/19/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Yeah, what? Mode>>>
[Lita] What?
[Rimmi] That thing where you were telling Mickey not to eat his soup.
[Lita] Oh, that. I thought that Evil Mike had put poison in Mickey's soup, but I guess it's okay. He hasn't died yet.
[Rimmi] Hmmm, that's weird. I wonder why that is? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I don't especially want Mickey dead right now!
[Mrs. Hargrove] Perhaps I can explain, Miss Rimmer.
[Rimmi] Mrs. Hargrove! What are you doing here?
[Mrs. Hargrove] I've been here for a week, dear girl. Haven't you noticed me?
[Rimmi] Assume that I didn't. Why are you here?
[Mrs. Hargrove] Well, I answered a telephone call late last week, from some gentleman named Michael, I think his name was. Anyhow, he warned me that a swarm of small animals with explosives strapped to them was headed for your home, and that I should vacate immediately.
[Rimmi] My house!
[Lita] Tee hee! Oh, Evil Mike!
[Rimmi] Lita, he blew up my house!
[Lita] Oh, right. Sucks about your house.
[Mrs. Hargrove] It sucks indeed. I had only enough time to grab my overnight bag full of cigarettes and hop in the DeadlyBeeMobile before the very house exploded! I was lucky to have survived it!
[Rimmi] My house... gone... what am I going to do?
[Mrs. Hargrove] Don't worry, dear girl. I put a call in to those helpful six workmen, and they've been rebuilding it ever since! I've been staying here the week so as not to impose upon them!
[Rimmi] Oh! Well that's a relief, I guess.
[Lita] Okay, great, we've explained that. But what about Mickey? Can you explain that?!?
[Mrs. Hargrove] Indeed I can. It seems that whilst cleaning the spice rack last week, I inadvertently removed the labels on a few of the jars. One of them was poison, and the other was truth serum, I believe...
[Rimmi and Lita] *gasp*! Jimmy!!!
[They run into the next room in time to see Jimmy gagging and turning colors.]
[Lita] Jimmy! Are you all right?
[Mickey] Does he look all right? You're kind of dense sometimes, Lita! [He claps his hands over his mouth.] Did I say that out loud?
[Rimmi] Yep, Mickey got the truth serum.
[Mrs. Hargrove] Apparently.
[Lita] Remind me to hit you later, Mickey. [Shakes Jimmy.] Jimmy! Speak to me!
[Jimmy's head lolls to the side.]
[Mickey] *gasp* He's dead!
[Jimmy swallows the soup.] GAH! No, but as bad as that tasted, I sort of wish I were!
[Rimmi] Wow! Jimmy must have some sort of power to resist poison, or something.
[Mrs. Hargrove] Now I remember! There was a third jar whose label got switched. I believe it was "Essence of Emeril."
[Lita] Well that would explain Jimmy's reaction.
[Mickey] Rimmi, your friend smells like an ashtray! And gramps smells like prune juice and medicine! And I can hear Tork's snoring all the way down the hall! And I don't think we should be worrying about rescuing a stupid ground hog, anyway!
[Rimmi] Oh, I can see that *this* is going to be fun.
[Jimmy] BAM!
[Lita grabs Jimmy by the ear.] NEVER do that again!
PM
Oh, the wacky hijinx!
Sarcophagus!
#2103
Curses! Drats! Hmph!
Date: 04/21/2002
From: Tork_110
I had the idea for the world's best reply, or at least the best reply ever by me, but something prevented me from doing so.
It does't advance the plot at all, but it's a nice character driven scene. EM and gramps are driving to wherever to save the groundhog, and they find out that Tork is with them. From there we have a discussion between Tork and EM. The highlights are 1) Tork talks about his jealousy towards EM over Nuveena (he mentions the Wacky Races) 2) Tork reveals that his (off-screen) relationship with Nuveena is OVER 3) EM talks about his past two years with Lita 4) EM and Tork laugh at Mickey
5) Mud wrestling is mentioned in their conversation.
Male bonding (well, not with these characters, but you get the idea) and gramps gets to provide comedy relief.
Oh well, I'll just pretend this reply existed, even if it isn't canon.
But before I end this reply:
<Tork walks up to Carmelita42 and Carmelita6969 and gives them kittens>
#2104
Mickey: How long is this going to take?
Date: 04/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE! Mode>>>
Mrs. Hargrove: Well, I'd say a day or two, but I'm not an expert on these things.
Mickey: You know, that is such a filthy habit! And your breath smells like camel ass.
Mrs. Hargrove: Well, I never! (walks away)
Rimmi: Mickey!
Mickey: Well, I'm not wrong. I'm going to lay down. No wonders I don't hang out with you much.
Rimmi: Oh, blah!
Lita: No, Rimmi, wait...we can have fun with this. Hey Mickey, wait!
Mickey: What do you want?
Lita: You and TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS?
Mickey: What?
Lita: You know?
Mickey: No clue.
Rimmi: That's just sad.
(Lita whispers something to Mickey. It's clear by the look on his face it's not pretty)
Lita: Well?
Mickey: No.
Lita: HA! I kn...oh, come on!!!!!
Mickey: I've never met anyone with a dirtier mind than you. (Leaves)
Lita (clearly disapoined): It's not fair.
Rimmi: Well.....that's a good thing.
Lita: Yeah, I guess....
************************************************************
(At MSTBlanca)
(STF re-enters with his hostages)
Nick: Oh, and I suppose you want to steal Lisa as well.
STF: Well, I....
Nick: Shutup!!!! She's mine, damn it! Mine! Mine! Mine!
STF: Well, I really feel for you, but...
Nick: It all started when I was selling the plans for the transport....
Squecky: Oh, geez, here we go........
STF: Could we speed this up a little?
Nick: No...
(AFLAC bites Nick's nose)
Nick: Ow! Ow! Ow!
The Bespectacled (But not wearing his glasses right now)Mickey T. Gardener (Not even close to his real name)
Bboard Nice Guy (with some exceptions)
President of the I Really really really really really really really really really-did I say really?-Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3 (Should be 5, but I gave Tork and Booey breaks)
Didn't really invent pants
#2105
And now, that reply I mentioned
Date: 04/22/2002
From: Tork_110
-------------------------------
???: EM, may I ask you a question?
EM: The hell?
< EM looks in the back seat of Spidey. He notices for the first time that Tork is also there with gramps.>
EM: What the hell are you doing here?
Tork: I wanted to talk to you about something.
EM: I don't! I've been telling gramps to shut up for some time.
gramps: I still say that "Plop plop fiz fiz" is way better than "AFLAC."
EM: Shut up! I would hit you, except Lita doesn't like it when I hit minors. (Stupid Lita and her @#$# rules) HEY!
< EM looks at Tork. Tork looks back. The evil smile on EM face makes Tork feels uncomfortable.
Tork: Uh, heh heh, yeah, i-i-it's about women. I thought you would be an expert on that.
EM: Yeah, you can say that.
Tork: (whispers to gramps) He bought it. What a jerk!
gramps: hehe
Tork: Anyway, I wanted to talk about you and Lita. How have you been able to stay together for so long?
EM: The hell if I know!! I've been wanting to get away from her for a long time. She's such a whiney, overbearing bit...
Tork: umm...
EM: And that crown has gone to her head!! "Oh, look at me!! I'm Queen @$#$ Everybody has to do what I say because of my fake jewelry. Blah blah blah."
gramps: I'm old, and let me tell you, she's been like that for some time.
EM: Why do you care, Taco? Aren't you going to bore us with another story about Noxema?
Tork: That's NUVEENA! *sniff*
<Tork tears up. Something is clearly bothering him.>
Tork: We broke up.
EM: Whatever.
gramps: Haven't you broke up with her several times already.
Tork: Yeah, but we had an awful fight. It's over for good.
EM: I thought you weren't going to tell a story.
Tork: FINE!! You know, you're nothing but a jerk. I don't know what Nuveena ever saw in you.
EM: Excuse me?
Tork: (a little upset) Don't you remember the Wacky Races? She appeared in Spidey.
EM: yeah?
Tork: (a little more upset) She said she knew you before.
EM: uh huh.
Tork: SHE SAID YOU WERE CUTE!!
EM: Really? Hmmm...
<EM gets a look on his face. Tork doesn't like it.>
Tork: Stop that!!
EM: (enjoying himself) Stop what?
Tork: Leave her alone!!
EM: Hey, Dork, what do you think she's doing right now?
Tork: I don't know.
EM: You think she's found a real man.
Tork: Cut it out!
EM: "Hey Nuveena, may I have another slice of futuristic cake?"
Tork: ARGH!!
< Tork attacks EM, but EM wins the fight with one punch. EM isn't even distracted from driving for one second.]
Tork: *cough* I ought to steal Lita from you!
gramps: You tried that already. She didn't even notice you.
Tork: (whisper) How did you know that?
gramps: I'm old. I know everything. She still doesn't know that she ended up nude on Survivor thanks to you.
EM: Really? She will now.
Tork: (annoyed) Oh great. Like I don't have enough problems with Lita's clones. I said some terrible things about 42.
EM: Good! She's a moron too. Now, 6969! Lita thinks that she can keep me away from her...
Tork: I don't want to talk about her.
<Tork hangs his head. >
EM: ..but that's like keeping me away from Rimmi and her sweet as...huh? What was that?
Tork: Uhh, I was just saying that Rimmi suggested that mud wrestling would help me get over Nuvy. (shrugs) But it didn't help. In fact, Lita6969 isn't talking to me.
EM: MWAHAHA! 6969 doesn't like you?
Tork: (under his breath) I wish she hadn't.
EM: You'd have to be a total loser like Mickey to get her to not like you.
Tork: (chears up momentarily) Heh heh, yeah! That poor dope.
<All 3 laugh>
gramps: So, what did you do?
Tork: I put her in a chokehold. Oh, I don't even know why. I guess I've been through a lot.
EM: Oh, quit crying. You want my advice?
Tork: Not anymore.
EM: Hey, I'm not entirely evil. I have real feelings like the next person. Someday, I want to marry Lita and make her the happiest woman in the world.
Tork: Really?
EM: Of course not. I lied. I said exactly what you wanted to hear just to see the reaction on your face.
Tork: Grrrr!
EM: Yeah, that reaction you have right now. Say, why don't you eat some soup. It works for Mickey.
Tork: Hmph!
EM: I care! Really, I do. Let me punch you. That'll make you forget about Nutrena.
Tork: Blah! What does Lita even see in you!?
EM: Isn't it obvious?
Tork: NO!! She's a great person. I have yet to thank her for turning Nuveena into a Furby to keep your hands off her.
EM: You...lusted...after...a ....Furby?
<EM lets out a evil laugh. Tork is so upset that he doesn't notice that gramps is laughing too.>
Tork: ERRR, I'll just deal with this in my own way.
EM: That's what you should have done in the first place. Leave us non-losers alone.
Tork: Blah.
EM: WHAT!!!!!1!!
Tork: grampsspilledsomeboozeonme,Iwouldneverblahyou!Hehheh. (nervous thumbs up)
EM: I thought so.
gramps: *sniff*
<See what I meant in reply #2103? There was some serious male bonding and personal growth here. Aw heck, who am I kidding? None of these idiots are ever going to change.>
EM: WHAT!!!!!!11!
<Tork said it!>
Tork: HEY!!
<EM beats Tork up again, and throws him out of Spidey. All this without losing control of Spidey. Tork hums the song that Nuveena always sang and walks back to the hideout.>
Tork_110
Maybe I shouldn't have build this reply up.
#2106
Fire safety tips with GROPE
Date: 04/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Fire drill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brother: Oh no! Fire! Fire!!!!!!!!!!
Sister: Well, you shouldn't have put your electric train set on the grill!
Brother: I wanted to see what would happen.
Sister: Well, we're going to die, thank you! Hey, it's Mickey T. Gardener!
Brother: Who? Sis, what the hell have you been smoking?
Mickey: Hi kids! Today, I'm going to show you some really cool, hip, fly...
Brother: Can it, Gardener!!!
Mickey: Ok, geez....Here are some really good fire prevention tips.
Sister: That would be nice...EXCEPT WE're ALREADY IN A FIRE!
Mickey: (Looks around) Oh! I see! HELLLLLLLLPP... (microwave beeps) Oh, my soup is done. Be right back. (leaves)
Brother: I'm telling you sis, you have some weird ass friends.
Sister: Well, if those rumors of him and TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS are true, he better not get nearer to me than he has been.
(Mickey returns)
Brother: Hey, I got an idea! (grabs Mickey's bowl of soup and throws the soup on the fire, the fire goes out)
Sister: Yay!!!!!!!!
Mickey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brother: Uh oh....bye! (runs off)
Mickey: (Running after him) Come back here you little bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Popsicle sticks!!!!!!!
#2107
<Tork returns to Diabolik>
Date: 04/24/2002
From: Tork_110
----------------------------
[Tork is moping. Mope, mope, mope, mope, mope.]
Rimmi: Where have you been?
Tork: I ... went out for a walk. I'm trying to get something off my mind.
Rimmi: Well that's good. Do you want something to eat?
Tork: Sure.
Rimmi: How about some cake?
[Tork starts crying.]
Tork: Oh, Nuveena! I didn't mean to hurt you! I'm no better than EM.
Lita: Hey! Leave EM alone you bully.
Tork: He made fun of Nuveena! When I tried to defend her honor, he kicked me out of Spidey.
Rimmi: Huh?
Lita: What were you doing in Spidey?
Tork: I just wanted to have a talk with EM. (Ugh, I'll never try that again.)
Lita: What was that?
[Lita kicks Tork in the shins.]
Tork: Ow, cut it out! I'm already bruised from the beating EM gave me.
Lita: Well, you obviously deserved it!
Tork: Stop defending the guy! He doesn't even know that he's been going around in circles for the last half hour.
Lita: What?
Tork: Spidey saw a fly and he's been chasing it for a while. EM didn't notice because gramps has been distracting him. I think I saw him eat it while EM threw me out of Spidey.
[Mickey walks in.]
Mickey: That's sounds like a convenient way to explain why EM and gramps weren't already at STF's hideout when you were talking to him earlier. Oops!
[Mickey covers his mouth and runs away.]
Lita: I better go check up on him. Can I borrow your car, Rimmi?
Rimmi: Why don't I just take you there?
Lita: No, you can't go because ... umm .. (notices the very unhappy Tork) just look at Tork!! He's upset about something. You should cheer him up.
Rimmi: Ugh, fine.
[Lita gets Rimmi's car keys and leaves. ]
[Tork sits down on a couch. A woman sits next to him. Tork puts his head on her shoulder.]
Tork: I can't believe I did what I did. I never wanted to hurt Nuveena. You know what I mean, Rimmi? Rimmi? Huh?
[Tork looks up at Rimmi. Or what he thought was Rimmi.]
Tork: *gasp* Sunday!!!
Sunday: I *want* to hurt you.
[punch punch punch]
Tork_110
Got beat up by Sunday twice in one day!
#2108
[Lita pulls up outside STF's hideout]
Date: 04/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
[...which is apparently his apartment complex.]
Lita: Geez, how cheap can you be? Even I have a hideout that isn't my actual house!
[Might I remind you of that whole big chunk of the beginning of the rp when your hideout *was* actually your house?]
Lita: Will you just shut up and tell everybody what's going on?
[Right. Sorry. Ok, so anyway, Lita gets out of Rimmi's car. She sees that Spidey is parked nearby, so Evil Mike and gramps must have finally managed to get here. She goes to STF's apartment, and then goes inside--the door is unlocked.]
Lita: Hmm... Either Servo the Fink is incredibly stupid, or this is a trap.
[Lita realizes she's talking to herself, decides that's a retarded thing to do, and stops. She searches the apartment for Evil Mike and grandmapa, which doesn't take too long. gramps is lying unconscious right there in the front room.]
Lita: gramps!!!
[Lita runs to grandmapa to see if he?s all right]
Lita: gramps! Are you ok!? What did STF do to you??? Oh... wait... I see. You reek of Old Kentucky Shark. [She stands up] I wonder if STF is even here...
[Suddenly, Lita hears voices coming from the next room! She opens the door. The room is STF's bedroom. STF isn't there, but Evil Mike is. And so is Squecky and the AFLAC Duck.]
Lita: Mike! There you are! And you found the groundpig--
EM: Ground hog.
Lita: --whatever. Where's Servo the Fink?
EM: He's in the can.
Lita: Ok... So then... Hey! Look at that!!
EM: Look at what?
Lita: Somebody dressed the ground pork and the duck in cute little vests! That's so darling!
Squecky: I'm a groundhog... actually.
AFLAC Duck: Thanks anyway though, Toots! I appreciate the complement!
Lita: I just have to get a closer look at these cute little vests!
EM: Actually, I don't think that's necessary. It think we should just go.
Lita: Don't be ridiculous, Evil Mike. I just want to feel the lining... of these darling... little... Oh, for the love of Pete, Evil Mike!!! Not again!!!
EM: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Lita: These aren't ordinary vests! These are dynamite vests!
Squecky: They're *WHAT*???
EM: What's your poin?
Lita: Evil Mike, you need to stop exploding small animals whenever you get bored. I thought we discussed this--
EM: Hey, shut up for a minute, will ya babe? I gotta take care of some business real quick.
Lita: Mike!
AFLAC Duck: Hey, Lady. You gonna take these vests off us? Because--
Lita: Oh, pipe down! Can't you see I'm trying to have a fight with my boyfriend?
[Evil Mike has picked up STF's phone. He dials a number. Lita's cell phone rings.]
Lita: For crying out loud! Mike!
[Evil Mike pays no attention. The phone continues to ring.]
Lita: Ugh. [She answers the phone] Mike, I am so pissed off at you right now. I swear I'm going to kick the living sh--
EM: Hello, Lita! Do you know who this is???
Lita: EVIL MIKE!!!
EM: I just called to tell you that right now, there are two small animals right next to you....
Lita: I know... You stupid moron--
EM: ...And they're about to EXPLOOOODE!!!11!!1!
Lita: YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME ON THE PHONE!!! I'M IN THE SAME ROOM WITH YOU!!! YOU STUPID FU--
EM: You should watch your language, Sweetheart! Those little critters are going to blow up any second, and you don't want any sins on your conscience when you go to meet your maker.... MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Good bye.
[Evil Mike hangs up his phone. Lita turns hers off, then walks over to Evil Mike and smacks him over the head with it.]
EM: OW!!! What was that for???
Lita: Evil Mike, you stupid idiot! You don't want those animals to blow up in here!!!
EM: Yes I do, because then everybody in here will die! [He sends a significant look in Lita's direction] That's you, in case you hadn't caught on.
Lita: You're in here too, Dumbass. So you're gonna die too.
EM: HOLY--
[Lita slaps Evil Mike before he can say whatever obscenity was undoubtedly to follow. Evil Mike races out of the room, and Lita follows him closely. They shut the door tightly behind them, and then jump behind a convenient piece of furniture.]
Ka-BOOM!!11!!11!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
better not find any damn ?'s
where she didn?t want them.
#2109
(Mickey walks in and assesses the
Date: 04/24/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
situation...tee hee..."ass"esses
Rimmi: There you are!!!!!
Tork: Yeah *oof* where *oof* were you last *oof* night?
Mickey: I went on an exciting journey! I went to Scotland to look for the Loch Ness Monster...
Rimmi: Uh-huh. Well, the truth serum has worn off, I see....
Mickey: No, it didn't. I really went to Scotland. See? (Poins to his "I went to Scotland and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t shirt)
Rimmi: How'd you get back here in time? Seems it would take you hours to get there and back.
Mickey: We're in Europe, remember?
Tork: I thought *oof* we weren't *oof*.
Mickey: Pfft!!! Whatever. Anyway, I've discovered my true calling! (puts on a trench coat).
Rimmi: You're going to become a flaher?
Sunday: GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs away)
Tork: *phew*
(Sunday runs back in and grabs Tork and carries him off)
Mickey: No, silly Rimmi...I'm going to start scouring the world in search of....(gets all dramatic) Unsolved Mysteries.
Rimmi: Oh geez....
Mickey: Think about it Rimmi! First Nessy, then Bigfoot, then Huey, Dewey, and Louie's parents! The list of possibilities is endless!
Rimmi: Uh huh...want some soup?
Mickey: Do I ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Takes off trench coat).
Rimmi: That's our Mickey!
Mickey: Unsolved Mysteries? What was I thinking?!
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Owner of one of those ol' fashioned dial up connections and is subject to phone outages. Pleh!!!!
#2110
Anchor: This just in .....
Date: 04/24/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
to KTMA action news....
(The scene takes place outside of STF's apartment)
Gunther: Joe, hurry up, we're on in 10!
Joe Don Baker: Quiet! Let me finish this brewsky!!!!
Gunther: 5, 4, 3,
JDB: Burrrrr....
Gunther: 2, 1, we're live!!!
JDB: ....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppp!!!!! Um, I mean, hello! Joe Don Baker reporting from the John Agar Memorial Apartment Complex here in downtown Europeorwhereverthehellweare.
Rimmi: Huh. Last time we saw this channel, we were nowhere near where we are here.
Mickey: I read somewhere that KTMA is actually two guys in a closet. They must be following us around.
JDB: An explosion rocked this area today, and it appears that there were no survivors.
(Lita and Evil Mike, who's carrying Grandmapa and STF because Lita made him, are seen walking behind JDB)
JDB: Again, there appears to be no survivors in this horrible, horrible tradgedy.
(Evil Mike drops Gramps and STF, despite Lita's protests, and runs up behind JDB and starts making faces at the camera and giving JDB bunny ears)
Gunther: Um, Joe?
JDB: Quiet! I'm on! *Ahem* Again, no survivors.
(Lita grabs Evil Mike by the ear, and they leave, EVil Mike once again picking up Gramps and STF)
JDB: Perhaps, most alarming of all the deaths, is the apparent loss of the town's most beloved celebrity, which shows how boring this town is, Squecky the Groundhog...oh, and we're told some duck was amongst the dead too.
(A groundhog, riding a duck, walk up behind JDB)
Squecky: Should we tell them our remarkable tale of survival?
AFLAC: Eh, screw them.
Squecky: So, back to my hole?
AFLAC: Hell no! I'm going to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!
Squecky: Oooh, can I come? I no longer will be a slave!!!
AFLAC: Yeah, sure kid. Let's go...AFLAC!!!!!!! (AFLAC and Squecky walk off into the sunset, never to be seen again)
JDB: Oh, what a tragic day in our town's history. (Smiles) Back to you in the studio.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
And AFLAC and Squecky lived happily ever after....
#2111
Evil Mike: You got to be kidding me!
Date: 04/24/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Yup. Me again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lita: Evil Michael, I am furious at you. You get to drive Rimmi's piece of crap!
Evil Mike: But...but...
Lita: We're not going to leave it here, now are we?
Evil Mike: Do you think she'll miss it? I would think we're doing her a fav...(Lita pinches Evil Mike on the ear again) owie! What about Gramps?
Lita: Gramps is either too young or too old to drive. And he's been drinking...
Evil Mike: (interrupts) When is he not?
Lita: Anywho, it's a deadly combination, no matter how you look at it.
Evil Mike: Well, what about that guy (Poins at STF)?
Lita: Silly Michael, he's dead!
STF: (Wakes up) Ugh...what kind of rp is this?
Lita: OK, well he's still in no condition to drive.
Evil Mike: But..but...
Lita: Not one more word! Now bring Servo the Think or whatever his name is, into Spidey!
Evil Mike: Fine, fine. (Brings STF over to a place in back of Spidey)
Lita: Oh geez....
Evil Mike: What? It's easier this way!
STF: Huh? WHA?!!!!!mmph
(Spidey shoves STF up his butt)
Evil Mike: So....(takes off his shirt)
Lita: Oh you! But after this, into Rimmi's car you go!
(Lita and Evil Mike run into Spidey!
(Minutes later)
STF: (trying not to watch) Oh...yuck.
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Yeah, it's a cheap quick continuity fix. But at least it was a good quick continuity fix!
#2112
Egads! My apartment!
Date: 04/24/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
STF: NOOO!!! (looking out spidey's window) My apartment! You blew up my crap-hole apartment! And to make things worse Squeky and AFLAC went to Vegas without me! My evil plan has been ruined! (pounding the floor) DAMMIT!!! WHY MUST MY ATTEMPTS AT EVIL ALWAYS FAIL!!!
EM: SHUT UP! Rush Limbaughs on. I'm trying to listen!
STF: Who do you people think you are? You're not the PUNISHER! You can't just blow up peoples homes at whim!
Lita: Quiet you, hamster thief!
Gramps: Ground hog.
Lita: Whatever, anyway you're going to jail!
STF: I can't go to jail! I watch OZ! They'll do things that I'm uncomfortable even saying to me.
EM: You should have thought about that before you kidnapped our beloved Squecky and AFLAC.
Gramps: Beloved!? You tried to blow them up!
(Whilst our heros argue, STF throws his body out of the open window)
Lita: ACK! Servo escaped!
Gramps: Hmm... It probably wasn't a good idea to throw himself out the window of a speeding spider/car while we're doing 65 mph on the freeway.
EM: No that's generally not a good thing.
(Later in a ditch on the side of the road, STF pulls his crippled body under a bush where no one can see him)
STF: Ow... ow... Damn prickers! Oh well, those fools haven't seen the last of me... ow... I'll be, OW, back! (a newspaper blows right next to him) What's this? (reads headline) Hmmm... Mayor Fishback gives a speech outside of townhall. Well, I've got an idea that'll fling this town into chaos, and it involves that speech! RA HA HA HA HA!
What is STF's plan-o-evil? Find out next time!
ServoTheFink
#2113
WE'RE NOT IN EUROPE!!1!!11!1! n/t
Date: 04/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
ntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntnt
EM and I did *that* right in front of STF? Ick!
Tee-hee! In STF's reply, for a sec I thought he called EM and me pricks! STF, that's filthy! <Lita washes Servo the Fink's mouth out with soap, even though that wasn't what he said at all.>
Lita!
#2114
yup, you sure did Lita
Date: 04/25/2002
From: Tork_110
-----------------------------------------------
You played Go Fish. EM's cheating really shocked STF.
EM: Hey! That's not what we did!
It sure is! Watch.
<Lita and the shirtless EM jumped into Spidey and played Go Fish. EM was cheating, which shocked the supposedly evil STF.>
See?
EM: WHY YOU!!
Yipes! Got to run!
[Tork runs like hell.]
Next up: Skully leaves. He will be missed.
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